Sunday, 10 August 2008
Monday, 12 May 2008
'british'
ive had a couple of people challenge me recently about being 'british' in terms of the way i relate to people as show how i feel, all sounds a bit girly, i know.
so im supposed to be 'happy' now. but if im going to be unbritish the truth is ive never been less happy. im really fighting the urge to fall into a cycle of self pity and instead, as a friend recently said, 'fall onto jesus'...which is a picture i love, as if jesus is like a big trampoline that a firecrew have put strategically in place under a high rise building as a flames engulf a window of helpless victims.
i heard joel virgo preach sunday eve about the rejection jesus went through at the cross. his words were very timely and really helpful. i thought about posting psalm 22 up here but its not short and i doubt anyone reads this anymore anway. if you are...read it.
i refuse to believe the lie that im not good enough or need to do more to qualify. i know i sound pathetic and miserable but i really am finding strength in god, or at least trying to!
hopefully my next post will be a bit more jolly
so im supposed to be 'happy' now. but if im going to be unbritish the truth is ive never been less happy. im really fighting the urge to fall into a cycle of self pity and instead, as a friend recently said, 'fall onto jesus'...which is a picture i love, as if jesus is like a big trampoline that a firecrew have put strategically in place under a high rise building as a flames engulf a window of helpless victims.
i heard joel virgo preach sunday eve about the rejection jesus went through at the cross. his words were very timely and really helpful. i thought about posting psalm 22 up here but its not short and i doubt anyone reads this anymore anway. if you are...read it.
i refuse to believe the lie that im not good enough or need to do more to qualify. i know i sound pathetic and miserable but i really am finding strength in god, or at least trying to!
hopefully my next post will be a bit more jolly
Sunday, 27 April 2008
some recent thoughts
at the risk of sounding 'cynical' but with the genuine desire to sound honest this is a quote from one of the most helpful, honest, encouraging, life giving and god centred book i have read for a few years. i would strongly recommend it:
'spiritual growth has become an industry, a system, a set of principles, formula, training programmes, curricula, books and tapes, which, if followed, promise to produce maturity and depth. most of these programmes are made up of the same ingredience: prayer, bible study, service and community. duh. Authentic growth doesn't happen overnight. it cant be reduced to a formula.
yes, a regime of prayer, bible study, service and community can and will contribute to spiritual growth, but thats like saying that milk, vegetanles and chicken will contribute to my physical growth. physical and spiritual growth cannot be reduced to mechanics. im all for getting the mechanics right, but spiritual growth is more than a procedure; its a wild search for god in the midst of the tangled jungle of our souls, a search which involves a volatile mix of messy reality, wild freedom, frustrating stuckness, increasing slowness and a healthy dose of gratitude.
now are you ready to talk about spiritual growth? the kind of spiritual growth that starts with desire, not guilt; passion, not principles; desperation, not obligation? are you ready to grow by travelling the road of failure, frustration and surprise?'
'messy spirituality - christianity for the rest of us' by mike yaconelli
i sang this verse at the top of my lungs in church this morning then all the way home down the motorway! what a saviour!
'the lord has promised good to me, his word my hope secures;
he will my shield and portion be, as long as life endures.'
amazing grace - john newton
this weeks top 3:
...top 3 things i want to pursue god for this next month:
1) passion - i have been so lazy, moody and unpassionate the last few months im surprised anyone wants to spend any time with me!
2) future - seems so uncertain and the thought often depressing. yet my hope is secure, my portion is him.
3) adventure - whats the point of living if you're not going to have adventures and enjoy it all. i want to take risks and go out on a limb
one final thought:
you dont always get what you want...
...but you always get what god wants and who knows better than god?
'spiritual growth has become an industry, a system, a set of principles, formula, training programmes, curricula, books and tapes, which, if followed, promise to produce maturity and depth. most of these programmes are made up of the same ingredience: prayer, bible study, service and community. duh. Authentic growth doesn't happen overnight. it cant be reduced to a formula.
yes, a regime of prayer, bible study, service and community can and will contribute to spiritual growth, but thats like saying that milk, vegetanles and chicken will contribute to my physical growth. physical and spiritual growth cannot be reduced to mechanics. im all for getting the mechanics right, but spiritual growth is more than a procedure; its a wild search for god in the midst of the tangled jungle of our souls, a search which involves a volatile mix of messy reality, wild freedom, frustrating stuckness, increasing slowness and a healthy dose of gratitude.
now are you ready to talk about spiritual growth? the kind of spiritual growth that starts with desire, not guilt; passion, not principles; desperation, not obligation? are you ready to grow by travelling the road of failure, frustration and surprise?'
'messy spirituality - christianity for the rest of us' by mike yaconelli
i sang this verse at the top of my lungs in church this morning then all the way home down the motorway! what a saviour!
'the lord has promised good to me, his word my hope secures;
he will my shield and portion be, as long as life endures.'
amazing grace - john newton
this weeks top 3:
...top 3 things i want to pursue god for this next month:
1) passion - i have been so lazy, moody and unpassionate the last few months im surprised anyone wants to spend any time with me!
2) future - seems so uncertain and the thought often depressing. yet my hope is secure, my portion is him.
3) adventure - whats the point of living if you're not going to have adventures and enjoy it all. i want to take risks and go out on a limb
one final thought:
you dont always get what you want...
...but you always get what god wants and who knows better than god?
Tuesday, 8 April 2008
sick of being sick and 5 good things
ive decided im sick of being sick. for almost a month now ive had one thing after another. i was told it was lack of sleep, food and a lot of stress. i have lost 1/2 a stone in 3 weeks, which is a lot for someone who has very little excess to lose. so ive started trying to eat a lot and take some meds to help me get through the night. i had a nasty rash cover my chest for a few days and a few other things.
its good for me to write this stuff down because a lot of stuff is very hard to share with people, as ive realised recently. but i also know that its not helpful to go off on one, so that all i'll say. mainly because i really feel like i needed to write about something and also because i really feel like i need some help and prayer.
no need being completely downcast.
so here's 5 good things that have happened in my life this month:
1) god has really met with me and spoken to me and out of some good times with him ive got some great new worship songs i felt like god give me for the church.
2) i did really well in my first uni exam results.
3) great new job, lots of hard work but also lots of responsibility.
4) passed my driving test and already get to drive a sweet 4x4 2.8ltr pick-up truck at work!
5) moving into a new house with a great family who are completely brilliant
nigel dutton (elder in hastings) spoke a word over me a few years ago about me being a 'bricks and mortar man' meaning i will be used to help 'build' and 'grow' the church. i wrote it down at the time and completely forgot about the second half of that word, until i found the piece of paper last week, where he said that i would be known as a man who finds god in brokeness and that out of painful times feeling broken god would use me in great ways.
he really is the only one.
its good for me to write this stuff down because a lot of stuff is very hard to share with people, as ive realised recently. but i also know that its not helpful to go off on one, so that all i'll say. mainly because i really feel like i needed to write about something and also because i really feel like i need some help and prayer.
no need being completely downcast.
so here's 5 good things that have happened in my life this month:
1) god has really met with me and spoken to me and out of some good times with him ive got some great new worship songs i felt like god give me for the church.
2) i did really well in my first uni exam results.
3) great new job, lots of hard work but also lots of responsibility.
4) passed my driving test and already get to drive a sweet 4x4 2.8ltr pick-up truck at work!
5) moving into a new house with a great family who are completely brilliant
nigel dutton (elder in hastings) spoke a word over me a few years ago about me being a 'bricks and mortar man' meaning i will be used to help 'build' and 'grow' the church. i wrote it down at the time and completely forgot about the second half of that word, until i found the piece of paper last week, where he said that i would be known as a man who finds god in brokeness and that out of painful times feeling broken god would use me in great ways.
he really is the only one.
Sunday, 30 March 2008
my new song 'from my head to my feet'
I think the best worship song come out of genuinely intimate times spent in the presence of God, for that reason I can only speak of the few I've written but this one is very powerful for me. It's a simple response and declaration of what God has done and continues to do. I love that God picked me from a crowd.
In mercy meet me where I stand
You hand picked me from the crowd
You bled and died to save my soul
You make me whole
What grace you shower over me
From me head to my feet
Such love you pour out constantly
From my head to my feet
*unfinished second verse!
In mercy meet me where I stand
You hand picked me from the crowd
You bled and died to save my soul
You make me whole
What grace you shower over me
From me head to my feet
Such love you pour out constantly
From my head to my feet
*unfinished second verse!
Wednesday, 19 March 2008
pictures of glory
Modern fanatics who profess to be so absorbed in heavenly things that they are blind to the most marvelous of Jehovah's handiwork, should go to school, with David as the schoolmaster, and learn to "consider the heavens," and should sit with Job upon the dunghill of their pride, while the Lord rehearses the thundering stanzas of creation's greatness,
http://www.desiringgod.org/Blog/1128_taking_pictures_of_glory/
http://www.desiringgod.org/Blog/1128_taking_pictures_of_glory/
Monday, 17 March 2008
mountain man and moisture man - together we'll fight crime
considering the week ive had, i have something to be happy about. ive been really blessed by having steve oliver come and speak to our church this weekend, i felt like we have things in common and he really spoke into my life.
'you are to be known as a mountain man, god will use you to move mountains. you have a very unusual annointing and to many people it will seem very odd at times. he wants you to receive the gift of risk taking and faith.'
this is a verse that a good friend was awoken in the night and felt led to for me.
'above all else guard your heart for it is a wellspring of life.'
so although personally and emotionally this has probably been the worst week of my life, all these things have led to a real touch from god. i feel for the first time since i returned from cambodia that god has been watching my faithfulness and is willing to pour out his favour.
'you are to be known as a mountain man, god will use you to move mountains. you have a very unusual annointing and to many people it will seem very odd at times. he wants you to receive the gift of risk taking and faith.'
this is a verse that a good friend was awoken in the night and felt led to for me.
'above all else guard your heart for it is a wellspring of life.'
so although personally and emotionally this has probably been the worst week of my life, all these things have led to a real touch from god. i feel for the first time since i returned from cambodia that god has been watching my faithfulness and is willing to pour out his favour.
Monday, 28 January 2008
tick tock
the following is some more words from a man who is quickly becomming a hero of mine, John Piper.
'I have an unusual habit when I go to bed. After Noel and I pray, I crawl into bed and situate myself on my left side, facing the red glow of the radio-alarm-clock numbers on the bedside table. I pull my hands up in front of me at about face level and wait for a few minutes in stillness, usually praying silently with gratitude for the wife who lies behind me, and for my children, and for the ministry God has given me. Then I take my right hand and curl my fingers around my left wrist and find my pulse. I watch the red minute number until it changes, and then I begin counting. One . . . two . . . three . . . When the number changes, and one minute has passed, I stop.
I began this peculiar habit out of the vain notion that, if my heart rate were very slow, from good exercise (or genes), it may mean that my heart is healthy and I will live long. Such is the silliness of human thought. The effect has been otherwise. Now, as I count the beats, it is not the rate that fixes my attention, but the succession. One beat, then another, then another, on through the night, about 21,000 times while I sleep. The effect of this little exercise is that I fall asleep most nights, lulled by the steady rhythm of my heart, and with a sober sense of my very fragile existence. Any one of those beats could be my last. I cannot will to make my heart beat one more time. If it stops, it stops. I and my time on earth are over. "If I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take."
Time is precious. We are fragile. Life is short. Eternity is long. I enter my month-long writing leave with a sense that every minute counts. O, to be a faithful steward of the breath God has given me. Three texts resound in my ears: 1) "Redeem the time" (Ephesians 5:16); 2) "It is required of stewards that one be found trustworthy" (1 Corinthians 4:2); 3) "His grace toward me was not in vain; but I labored even more than all of them, yet not I, but the grace of God with me" (1 Corinthians 15:10).
Surely God means for our minutes on earth to count for something significant. Paul said, "In the day of Christ I will have reason to glory because I did not run in vain nor toil in vain" (Philippians 2:16). In the same way, I have good hope from the Lord that my "labor is not in vain in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 15:58).'
'I have an unusual habit when I go to bed. After Noel and I pray, I crawl into bed and situate myself on my left side, facing the red glow of the radio-alarm-clock numbers on the bedside table. I pull my hands up in front of me at about face level and wait for a few minutes in stillness, usually praying silently with gratitude for the wife who lies behind me, and for my children, and for the ministry God has given me. Then I take my right hand and curl my fingers around my left wrist and find my pulse. I watch the red minute number until it changes, and then I begin counting. One . . . two . . . three . . . When the number changes, and one minute has passed, I stop.
I began this peculiar habit out of the vain notion that, if my heart rate were very slow, from good exercise (or genes), it may mean that my heart is healthy and I will live long. Such is the silliness of human thought. The effect has been otherwise. Now, as I count the beats, it is not the rate that fixes my attention, but the succession. One beat, then another, then another, on through the night, about 21,000 times while I sleep. The effect of this little exercise is that I fall asleep most nights, lulled by the steady rhythm of my heart, and with a sober sense of my very fragile existence. Any one of those beats could be my last. I cannot will to make my heart beat one more time. If it stops, it stops. I and my time on earth are over. "If I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take."
Time is precious. We are fragile. Life is short. Eternity is long. I enter my month-long writing leave with a sense that every minute counts. O, to be a faithful steward of the breath God has given me. Three texts resound in my ears: 1) "Redeem the time" (Ephesians 5:16); 2) "It is required of stewards that one be found trustworthy" (1 Corinthians 4:2); 3) "His grace toward me was not in vain; but I labored even more than all of them, yet not I, but the grace of God with me" (1 Corinthians 15:10).
Surely God means for our minutes on earth to count for something significant. Paul said, "In the day of Christ I will have reason to glory because I did not run in vain nor toil in vain" (Philippians 2:16). In the same way, I have good hope from the Lord that my "labor is not in vain in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 15:58).'
Friday, 18 January 2008
Isaiah
18 "Come now, let us reason together,"
says the LORD.
"Though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool.
19 If you are willing and obedient,
you will eat the best from the land;
Wednesday, 2 January 2008
a breath of piper air
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before communion on sunday, it had been a while since i felt like i had met with God. The last few months have been a real struggle and ive been fighting to sustain any resemblance of a healthy spiritual life. i dont really know why but i have said a few times to a few people ive just been feeling very tired spiritually, i never forget the truth that how i feel doesnt affect what i know to be true or my identity in christ but that doesnt mean i should be dishonest about what is actually going on in my life at the moment. one thing that bothers me more than anything at the moment is unrealistic people in the church that set unattainable goals....thats one for another blog (i know im one of the biggest offenders!).
a while back i added the desiring god website to my favorites page and promised myself to read it as often as possible. the great thing about this site is its written by john piper, a greatly respected teacher, and its updated everyday with a new topics which are always accessible and easy to understand. unfortunately i seem to have football etched into my dna so i rarely get past the bbc football news page and reading a few emails. today however im feeling motivated, probably because ive decided that today is the day when i will finish my marketing essay and start my accounting practice exam papers....so im psyched up! i found todays topic particularly relevant and inspiring. i recommend this site for daily reading, at the moment my entire devotional life is lived reading the pages of this site, i know thats not great but things come and go in seasons and at the moment, in the spiritual season im in, this is all i can manage.
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